THE EMOJI MOVIE MARKS A NEW ERA IN ANIMATED CINEMA

The critical panning of the recently released "Emoji Movie" says more about the polarization between the elites and the populace then the quality of the film itself. Just one cursory glance at any "review" of the film that has been recently shoved down the throats of the public in a self-righteous attempt to shape the minds of the people will reveal just how distant the raving troglodyte we call the "film critic" is to the rational and well-tempered human that we all are. After viewing the film for the first time recently, I can safely conclude that the Emoji Movie must and shall be the stepping stone toward a society in which either the elitists are cast from their throne of pretentiousness by the commonfolk, or cast out of society altogether, voluntarily or by force.

The film opens with the "Columbia Pictures" logo (the one with the woman carrying the torch), only for the expectations of the consumer to be completely and violently subverted by the revelation that we are looking at this logo not through the lens of the projector, but through the lens of a cellphone's camera, as the frame zooms out to reveal that someone is taking a photo of this woman using the Snapchat app. Such a subversion of such a classic logo primes the audience for a spectacle that the consumer, and not the snob, can relate to. Gone are the days during which we must fabricate a fondness for dated symbols such as this woman and her torch. 1928 (the year of the logo's inception) was 89 years ago. We no longer wear stolas and carry torches. We have had electricity for over a century! Why should we feign amazement for such useless and inefficient technology as a torch? Only the most pretentious of film reviewers could take issue with this appeal to the masses. The day that we can finally live in the present has come; its name is July 28th, 2017!

A synonpsis which even tangentially captures the magic of the Emoji Movie will prove just what a masterpiece the film is. Gene Meh is an emoji who is assigned to perform the "meh" emotion perpetually, lest he face persecution or deletion. Because of his failure to conform to his societally-assigned role as a "meh" face, he is banished, and faces deletion by the goons hired by Smiler, who fills the role of a sort of slave master in this modern tale. He must therefore escape in order to fix the "malfunction" which causes his ability to emote outside of his assigned emotion. The fact that such an extraordinary ability is referred to as a "malfunction" is reminiscent of the objectivist mythos, in which the oppressive and incompetent secondhanders impose punishment and stigma upon those which show true ability. Still indoctrinated by his oppressive society, Gene makes his journey toward conformity with the help of his new friends: a hand and a hacker. In a way somewhat similar to "The Wizard of Oz", each of these friends wishes for something nonmaterial. Gene wishes to fix his "malfunction", Hi-5 the hand wishes to become a favorite emoji, and Jailbreak the hacker wishes to escape the smartphone which they all inhabit. What they find, however, is not a man behind a curtain, but the fact that they do not truly wish these things. Though the plot of this cinematic masterpiece may reference these classic works of fiction, it does not require from the audience an extensive knowledge of such works, as much as the pretentious reviewers might have preferred it to be so, in order to flaunt their useless knowledge of fictional works for their readers. The film ends with the God-figure Alex (the owner of the smartphone) granting peace and prosperity to those emojis which do not conform, while punishing the aggressor Smiler. Each character arch is completed, and justice is served across the smartphone.

One is not even required to view the entire film to make a deep emotional connection to each of the four main protagonists, as well as become deeply inspired by the film's themes. One quote in particular stands out for its sheer amount of layers of meaning and interpretation. Even without context, the quote is able to lull the viewer into a feeling of safety, intense motivation, and pure elation with its down-to-Earth, yet poignant delivery and writing. The quote comes from Gene, and is directed at Jailbreak, and goes as follows:

Throw some sauce onto that dance burrito!

On the surface, this is a funny and topical line which resonates with populace's unspoken, yet ever-present desire for dancing, sauce, and burritos. The desire for excess and food in the heart of every American is one justified by the definition of humanity. This desire has been stoked by the promotion of the false song of altruism which the first world has been suffering through for years now. The natural desire for hedonism has been squandered by the kind of pretentious phonies which are currently running a smear campaign against the Emoji Movie. This one line is able to unlock the key to every commonperson's heart, and unleash the hidden emotions from every commonperson's crushed soul. Not only is a burrito a symbol of excess, but the addition of sauce is enough to force the world to hear the cry of a desparate man, demanding: I want more! The true desires of every person are reflected in this seemingly insignificant line.

The director's decision to set the majority of the film within one smartphone would have been a bold one, had it not been for the fact that this was not the director's decision. No decision could be left to such a tiny thing. Instead, this film was designed by a committee. To create a film of this calibre, such a committee had to be very special. In fact, what makes this film surpass all before it is the fact that this committee was at the end of the day, extremely ordinary. The uninterestingness of the committee is what made it so interesting. Only a committee devoid of elitists could conceive of a film set mostly in a smartphone. Only ordinary people could create a movie which ordinary people would respond to so eagerly. A self-proclaimed "connoisseur" of film might detest such a premise, but a normal man would embrace it for its timely relevance, and its familiarity.

Many critics have resorted to accusing the Emoji Movie of being an advertisement more than a film. They call the film "evil", in a way reminiscent of how a dictator might refer to a piece of art or literature that disrupts their agenda. They call the film "cynical" in order to make parents skeptical of their children being exposed to such a work of art. They call the film "toxic" instead of articulating their exact problem with the movie. These are all persuasion tactics, designed by the evillest of elites. This is all especially ironic, as these critics accusing the film of gratuitous product placement seemed to hail the previously released cash-grab of a film "The Lego Movie" as some sort of messiah of cinema. They fail to recognize how this masterpiece uses brands not as a way to make money without selling tickets, but as a way to connect with the audience of people tired of being told that smartphones are ruining society, and that social apps make people less sociable. This film uses brands such as TextPlus and Spotify to assure the oppressed people that applications are a form of technology, and not some witchcraft that is causing the downfall of civilization. If the film relied solely on brand names to attract ticket sales, the critics might conceivably have a point, but since the former is not the case, neither is the latter. The film also uses pop culture references to create a bond with its audience. For example, the song "Pen Pineapple Apple Pen" is as a sort of code which reveals how deeply the filmmakers understand the audience. Each and every reference to the real world of culture and consumption works to blur the wall between fiction and reality, causing the film to be a pioneer in immersive animated film.

Overall, the Emoji Movie is a masterpiece ahead of its time, no matter what the dimwitted elitists may say. The fact that each and every review by a major publication seems to be begging the reader not to view the film proves that each and every person absolutely must view the film. If something were really so bad, one would not have to spend so much effort pushing people away from it; people would walk away on their own. However, as an army of moronic, self-righteous, jokes of human beings warns against this film, one must conclude that the film has something worth seeing, and I can confirm this notion, having just viewed it. I urge you: purchase a ticket to the Emoji Movie and watch it as many times as you can. It will be a valuable experience that only a fool would miss.